Essential Moments

ESSENTIAL MOMENTS

 "Satori", according to the Zen Master Suzuki, " is the sudden flashing into consciousness of a new truth hitherto undreamed of. It is a sort of mental catastrophe taking place all at once, after much piling up of matters intellectual and demonstrative. The piling has reached a limit of stability and the whole edifice has come tumbling to the ground, when, behold, a new heaven is open to full survey. When the freezing point is reached, water suddenly turns into ice; the liquid has suddenly turned into a solid body and no more flows freely. Satori comes upon a man unawares, when he feels that he has exhausted his whole being. Religiously, it is a new birth; intellectually, it is the acquiring of a new viewpoint."

 Satori could also be described as an in-body experience of time and space dissolving This term "Satori" is also used as a title of a highly structured process, where such an experience is possible.

These experiences of dissolving are moments of being fully in the present. They are essential moments of awareness, difficult to put into words.

The process known as Satori has its origins in Zen traditions, based upon a "koan", or question formulated to open up the mind and lead to a direct experience of something deeper.

It is a method of enquiry which is contemplated and communicated, through a dyad format, working in pairs with partners.

The question "Who am I ?", is often used a koan in the Satori process.

For years, I heard Osho talk about this, as being the only relevant question, although during his lifetime, he answered several thousands of others. This question has been brought into use as a meditation technique, by the Indian master, Ramana Maharshi.

I did not know this during the turmoil of my adolescence, but it was during this time that I remember the question "Who am I ?" first arising in me. It came up then more along the lines of "what is the difference between me and my conditioning?".

My adolescent years were spent in London.  At the age of twelve, I moved there, with my family, from Sri Lanka. The values that I had been brought up with in my childhood were challenged by the cultural change of environment.This was accompanied by all my hormones breaking loose, setting in motion all kinds of frustration and pain, previously unknown to me.

 I was born into a mixed race colonial family, in a priveleged class of society. This status then was changed into an envrionment where I was faced with racism, both in the land where I was born,as well as in my adoptive home.  “Swinging London”, as it was then called, during the 1960’s, was at that time, a place where such concepts as "free love" and open sexuality were becoming popular, upon the introduction of the contraceptive pill. All of this, I found also very confronting of my conditioning, coming from a background that was conventional.

To make matters worse, during my adolescence, I was expected to act as a suitable responsible role model, for my three younger siblings.  My father was outraged, by my dressing in the fashions of the era and growing my hair longer. I found an identity in this, inspired particularly by musicians,whose dress codes blurred the lines between male and female sterotypes.

Behind my "peacock" image I found solace in the oracle of the I-Ching and tried psychology reading books by Wilhelm Reich.

This search for identity took me by and by into, looking at myself in Personal growth groups, using Bioenergetics, Gestalt ,Encounter and Marathon techniques. as methods of reflection. They took my search deeper, from an intellectual to an emotional level.

I began my training as a therapist, in these techniques, During which time I also began as a meditator, with Dynamic on a daily basis. This, in turn, led after about three months, to my innitiation into sannyas.

The weekend after my initiation, the group on my Training Schedule was a three day process, called Enlightenment Intensive, led by a man named  Charles Berner. Without the context of training. it is doubtful that I would have chosen to do this group myself! As it was, I had my doubts, because the group facilitator showed up, wearing a three-piece business suit and a tie, attire that was more formal than the mode of dressing of the others who led courses at the institute where my training took place.

"How?", I wondered,"could anyboby possibly get enlightened in three days?".

This, I was about to find out, but, for the first day and a half, I struggled through examining all my concepts about myself, before adjusting to the structure.

Enlightenment Intensive

Enlightentment Intensive is the name Charles Berner gave to this structure that he created out of extracts from Zen.It forms the discipline within which it takes to fall into those moments of sublime awareness,But the discipline is not easy, in the beginning. It is designed to take you to the limits of logical thought, into previously unexplored territory.

Having  dilligently fulfilled my quest, I left that Intensive with a sense of myself that felt very familiar. It was like revisiting someone that I had reognized as myself.  I "knew" who I was!  Clarity that was deeply  satisfying and elation that had no boundaries. It was my first taste that identity  is not only a matter of nationality  gender and philosophy......there were no labels....  The taste was sweet.  

Unfortunately, while I was away from London on this retreat, my parents were involved in a car crash. My mother was hospitalized with severe injuries, my father was not so badly hurt. This news greeted me upon my return.

I remember maintaining a calmness  within my shock, abruptly switching the focus from the inner to the outer. Yet,amazingly, it became clear  how a heightened state of consciousness, affected the way in which I approached crisis in my life. I found myself being able to face it, taking fully into account, the waves of emotions as they welled up inside of me, from another perspective. To allow such a flow of emotion and, at the same time remain centered had not happened before.

From this time, I have begun to understand the value of personal inquiry. Moments of time and space dissolving, as an  essential reference point, makes a difference in the way that I face crisis in life. 

"Unless you know yourself, whatsoever you do is going to be futile. The most basic thing is to know oneself. But it happens that we go on missing the most basic and we go on worrying about trivia".(Osho. The Search.: no.1)

It is now fifty years since that first experience. There have been several essential moments since then, both in structured and spontaenous situations. Among the most memorable, is the occasion in which I nearly drowned. carried out by a current, in the Pac ific Ocean,off the coast of Byron Bay, Australia. I spent a long time in the water, until two friends rescued me. My time in the water was well spent. It provided the time for insight. I saw why I had become a seeker. Everything fell into place.

Facing Crisis Consciously

Facing death is facing the ultimate crisis. It is the one thing we are all guaranteed in life. Nobody knows, for sure when it will happen. Caught by surprise, in the water,I was at first, too  embarrassed to call out for help. There were no lifeguards on the beach. I called out anyway,  then decided to save my energy by floating, rather than attempting to swim. As at first it did not seem as if anybody had heard me, I accepted that these might be my last moments.A Rip current,as this was called pulls you down as well as out to sea. In a seemingly helpless state I kept treading water and holding only my personal enquiry, resolving to leave this life consciously, not in a panic. Through years of personal practice, I was pleased to notice this enquiry was still working.  Not only that, but so was my sense of humour! I remember thinking, that this could not possibly be the end, as this was not the way I had visualized my death, during the Tibetan Meditation of the Dead that I had practised, on previous occasions.  This irony made me smile. Whaever fear there might have been gave way to the need to be fully in the present. This was the way I wanted to meet the transition between this life and whatever comes next, fully aware and present...

There is no doubt that this process has become the crown jewel in my working portfolio. At the age of thirty-eight, I began leading it in the context of Therapist  Training. The partipants of the programmes probably would not have chosen to be there,if it were not for the fact that it was included in their training, just like me at my first Intensive.

 Understanding this, I was again and again amazed at the results. Though most of them found the structure difficult, they loved what it brought them into. Over those years my trust, in seeing people recognize themselves, has grown. Each person has his or her way of getting to their own individual revealation of self

At that time in my life I was going through my mid- life transition, a phase of serious evaluation which lasted until the age of forty five. Seriousness is not a state  for which I have much preference. Had it not been for the discipline of the quest, it would have been a lot more heavy!

" Awareness and discipline are the most fundamental things for a seeker " (Osho :The Search no,5 )

In Osho´s last public discourse the final words are “Sammasatti, always remember that you are a Buddha“. This to me has the same significance as continuing self -enquiry. To “always remember” the Buddha state is to always keep the enquiry open...