Essential Moments

ESSENTIAL MOMENTS

 "Satori", according to the Zen Master Suzuki, " is the sudden flashing into consciousness of a new truth hitherto undreamed of. It is a sort of mental catastrophe taking place all at once, after much piling up of matters intellectual and demonstrative. The piling has reached a limit of stability and the whole edifice has come tumbling to the ground, when, behold, a new heaven is open to full survey. When the freezing point is reached, water suddenly turns into ice; the liquid has suddenly turned into a solid body and no more flows freely. Satori comes upon a man unawares, when he feels that he has exhausted his whole being. Religiously, it is a new birth; intellectually, it is the acquiring of a new viewpoint."

 Satori could also be described as an in-body experience of time and space dissolving This term "Satori" is also used as a title of a highly structured process, where such an experience is possible.

These experiences of dissolving are moments of being fully in the present. They are essential moments of awareness, difficult to put into words.

The process known as Satori has its origins in Zen traditions, based upon a "koan", or question formulated to open up the mind and lead to a direct experience of something deeper.

It is a method of enquiry which is contemplated and communicated, through a dyad format, working in pairs with partners.

The question "Who am I ?", is often used a koan in the Satori process.

For years, I heard Osho talk about this, as being the only relevant question, although during his lifetime, he answered several thousands of others. This question has been brought into use as a meditation technique, by the Indian master, Ramana Maharshi.

I did not know this during the turmoil of my adolescence, but it was during this time that I remember the question "Who am I ?" first arising in me. It came up then more along the lines of "what is the difference between me and my conditioning?".

My adolescent years were spent in London.  At the age of twelve, I moved there, with my family, from Sri Lanka. The values that I had been brought up with in my childhood were challenged by the cultural change of environment.This was accompanied by all my hormones breaking loose, setting in motion all kinds of frustration and pain, previously unknown to me.

 I was born into a mixed race colonial family, in a priveleged class of society. This status then was changed into an envrionment where I was faced with racism, both in the land where I was born,as well as in my adoptive home.  “Swinging London”, as it was then called, during the 1960’s, was at that time, a place where such concepts as "free love" and open sexuality were becoming popular, upon the introduction of the contraceptive pill. All of this, I found also very confronting of my conditioning, coming from a background that was conventional.

To make matters worse, during my adolescence, I was expected to act as a suitable responsible role model, for my three younger siblings.  My father was outraged, by my dressing in the fashions of the era and growing my hair longer. I found an identity in this, inspired particularly by musicians,whose dress codes blurred the lines between male and female sterotypes.

Behind my "peacock" image I found solace in the oracle of the I-Ching and tried psychology reading books by Wilhelm Reich.

This search for identity took me by and by into, looking at myself in Personal growth groups, using Bioenergetics, Gestalt ,Encounter and Marathon techniques. as methods of reflection. They took my search deeper, from an intellectual to an emotional level.

I began my training as a therapist, in these techniques, During which time I also began as a meditator, with Dynamic on a daily basis. This, in turn, led after about three months, to my innitiation into sannyas.

The weekend after my initiation, the group on my Training Schedule was a three day process, called Enlightenment Intensive, led by a man named  Charles Berner. Without the context of training. it is doubtful that I would have chosen to do this group myself! As it was, I had my doubts, because the group facilitator showed up, wearing a three-piece business suit and a tie, attire that was more formal than the mode of dressing of the others who led courses at the institute where my training took place.

"How?", I wondered,"could anyboby possibly get enlightened in three days?".

This, I was about to find out, but, for the first day and a half, I struggled through examining all my concepts about myself, before adjusting to the structure.

Enlightenment Intensive

Enlightentment Intensive is the name Charles Berner gave to this structure that he created out of extracts from Zen.It forms the discipline within which it takes to fall into those moments of sublime awareness,But the discipline is not easy, in the beginning. It is designed to take you to the limits of logical thought, into previously unexplored territory.

Having  dilligently fulfilled my quest, I left that Intensive with a sense of myself that felt very familiar. It was like revisiting someone that I had reognized as myself.  I "knew" who I was!  Clarity that was deeply  satisfying and elation that had no boundaries. It was my first taste that identity  is not only a matter of nationality  gender and philosophy......there were no labels....  The taste was sweet.  

Unfortunately, while I was away from London on this retreat, my parents were involved in a car crash. My mother was hospitalized with severe injuries, my father was not so badly hurt. This news greeted me upon my return.

I remember maintaining a calmness  within my shock, abruptly switching the focus from the inner to the outer. Yet,amazingly, it became clear  how a heightened state of consciousness, affected the way in which I approached crisis in my life. I found myself being able to face it, taking fully into account, the waves of emotions as they welled up inside of me, from another perspective. To allow such a flow of emotion and, at the same time remain centered had not happened before.

From this time, I have begun to understand the value of personal inquiry. Moments of time and space dissolving, as an  essential reference point, makes a difference in the way that I face crisis in life. 

"Unless you know yourself, whatsoever you do is going to be futile. The most basic thing is to know oneself. But it happens that we go on missing the most basic and we go on worrying about trivia".(Osho. The Search.: no.1)

It is now fifty years since that first experience. There have been several essential moments since then, both in structured and spontaenous situations. Among the most memorable, is the occasion in which I nearly drowned. carried out by a current, in the Pac ific Ocean,off the coast of Byron Bay, Australia. I spent a long time in the water, until two friends rescued me. My time in the water was well spent. It provided the time for insight. I saw why I had become a seeker. Everything fell into place.

Facing Crisis Consciously

Facing death is facing the ultimate crisis. It is the one thing we are all guaranteed in life. Nobody knows, for sure when it will happen. Caught by surprise, in the water,I was at first, too  embarrassed to call out for help. There were no lifeguards on the beach. I called out anyway,  then decided to save my energy by floating, rather than attempting to swim. As at first it did not seem as if anybody had heard me, I accepted that these might be my last moments.A Rip current,as this was called pulls you down as well as out to sea. In a seemingly helpless state I kept treading water and holding only my personal enquiry, resolving to leave this life consciously, not in a panic. Through years of personal practice, I was pleased to notice this enquiry was still working.  Not only that, but so was my sense of humour! I remember thinking, that this could not possibly be the end, as this was not the way I had visualized my death, during the Tibetan Meditation of the Dead that I had practised, on previous occasions.  This irony made me smile. Whaever fear there might have been gave way to the need to be fully in the present. This was the way I wanted to meet the transition between this life and whatever comes next, fully aware and present...

There is no doubt that this process has become the crown jewel in my working portfolio. At the age of thirty-eight, I began leading it in the context of Therapist  Training. The partipants of the programmes probably would not have chosen to be there,if it were not for the fact that it was included in their training, just like me at my first Intensive.

 Understanding this, I was again and again amazed at the results. Though most of them found the structure difficult, they loved what it brought them into. Over those years my trust, in seeing people recognize themselves, has grown. Each person has his or her way of getting to their own individual revealation of self

At that time in my life I was going through my mid- life transition, a phase of serious evaluation which lasted until the age of forty five. Seriousness is not a state  for which I have much preference. Had it not been for the discipline of the quest, it would have been a lot more heavy!

" Awareness and discipline are the most fundamental things for a seeker " (Osho :The Search no,5 )

In Osho´s last public discourse the final words are “Sammasatti, always remember that you are a Buddha“. This to me has the same significance as continuing self -enquiry. To “always remember” the Buddha state is to always keep the enquiry open...

Waking Up To Life

WAKING UP TO LIFE

Meditation is about waking up from life on automatic and being sensitive to the novelty of everyday experience. It is the state of being attentive to and aware of what is taking place in the present moment. The state of mediation is the expansion of attention in a non-judgmental and nonreactive way to become more aware of our current sensory, mental, and emotional experiences.

Psychotherapy however, aims to improve an individual's well-being and mental health, to resolve or mitigate troublesome forms of behaviour, beliefs, compulsions, thoughts, or emotions, and to improve relationships and social skills. 

Conventional psychotherapists often tend to frown upon spiritual practices such as meditation, just as many spiritual teachers disapprove of psychotherapy. This issue came up as a question from a participant in a Primal Therapy course which I was facilitating, who actually quoted one of the more popular current spiritual teachers, who echoed the edict from many in his lineage that therapy is not needed on the way to self-experience. At the extremes, each camp tends to see the other as avoiding and denying the real issues

Coming out of traditional Eastern societies, many spiritual teachers have a hard time recognizing the developmental challenges facing their Western students and may not understand their pervasive self-hatred, shame, and guilt, as well as their sense of isolation and lack of esteem. These teachers may also fail to detect their students’ tendency to engage in ideas and practices to shore up a shaky sense of self, or to belittle basic needs, feelings, and developmental tasks in the name of enlightenment. So, they often teach self-transcendence to students who first of all need to find some ground to stand on, in my experience and opinion. Finding such a neutral ground to stand on, where attitudes and judgements can be inspected as being valid with our state of being as independent adults, rather than being caught up in attitudes that were put in place as a protection against painful childhood memories is essential to growth and enquiry into who we are. 

Grounding is a key factor in Osho’s active meditations. Western Therapy methods are enhanced when there is a holding space for people to share their basic needs and bring themselves out of isolation. A person who feels supported and appreciated for their qualities has an easier time with looking into the shadows of the subconscious mind and getting to grips with day to day reality. Osho’s therapists are trained to hold this space of empathy, non-judgementalness and awareness. 

Energy released through the letting go of firmly fixed attitudes flows to stimulate a sense of well-being and lightness.

This relates to health in the body as well as the mind. The English word “Disease” can be broken up into two syllables “dis ease”, which occurs in both body and mind when the life force gets caught up in problems 

"I am not saying meditation will solve life problems. I am simply saying that if you are in a meditative state, problems will disappear – not be solved. There is no need to solve a problem. In the first place the problem is created by a tense mind." (Osho - The Orange Book) 

The human mind is conditioned from the very outset of life. It is a storage of various influences that is not within our control when we enter this world. This conditioning creates attitudes and beliefs which we hold onto until we get into conflict and crisis. To tackle the sources of our human conflict, psychotherapy has been developed. The roots of our suffering, have been found to lie in isolation, a feeling of separation. 

Modern Western culture is marked by social isolation, personal alienation, lack of community, disconnection from nature, and the loss of the sacred at the centre of our lives. The Western mind is riddled with inner divisions—between self and other, individual and society, mind and body, spirit and nature, or the guilty ego and the harshly critical superego—that were mostly unknown in the ancient cultures in which the meditative traditions first arose.

Osho began to create the synthesis between mediation and therapy from the very early days of his work beginning with the Dynamic meditation. 

 “I have called the psychology that is based upon meditation the psychology of the buddhas. Modern psychology is the psychology of people who are asleep.

 The psychology of the buddhas means that we accept man as a three-storied building. There are a few who remain only on the ground floor, only in their bodies; all their interests are cantered in the body – this is the lowest life for someone to choose, as if you are living on the porch when the whole building is yours.

The second level of life is that of a well-understood mind – but who is going to understand the mind?

You can see the difficulty of the psychologist: he studies the mind but if you ask who is studying the mind…. Mind cannot study itself” (Osho).

My life as a meditator runs concurrently with my work as a therapist. My experience has been shaped by the influence of this remarkable master for all of my adult life and I am still grateful.

Soon after completing my training as a therapist, in London, I found myself selected to lead Primal Therapy groups in Osho’s ashram in Poona. I look back on this phase of my life with amazement. I was there as a part of his vision from the dawn of its creation. My working day would start after sitting silently in Osho’s presence while he gave discourses on every relevant topic of the human state. His message was sometimes contradictory, offering completely different point of view. This had the effect of scrambling the workings of my brain and bringing me into my senses. The feeling was sublime.

“The psychology of the buddhas is comprehensive of the whole individuality of man – and it does not end there. By studying, by experiencing the body, the mind, the consciousness, and the beyond, Buddha is preparing you to dissolve into the universal.”

I received very specific instructions during those early years from Osho, who personally supervised each process during the evening darshans. 

My job, as was told to me by Osho, was “to clear the mind of past conditioning:” It has become the basic element of my work. Conditioning factors, from the very beginning of life determine our beliefs about ourselves and how life is, how the others are. They form our attitudes and this is carried in our postures. It affects our whole way of being. To embark upon the journey of exploration into what lies beyond this conditioning, a neutral ground, a non-judgemental state needs to be restored. We are all born innocent. Clearing the mind is a way of restoring innocence. It clears the way to increasing attention in the moment. Empathy and compassion with ourselves can lead to maintaining this state.

Among the lasting treasures of Osho’s legacy are the Meditative Therapy techniques, No-Mind Meditation, Mystic Rose Meditation and Born Again.

These methods restore a state of innocence through forms of release past conditioning and integrating the psychological issues that obstruct our clear vision of ourselves. Therapy and meditation go hand in hand in my experience of working from the buddha within

The Colour Orange

 "Sannyasin" is a word that was, until recently, not to be found in a Western vocabulary. It is an Eastern concept, a term used to describe traditional Hindus who have renounced the world and the accumulation of material possessions in favour of their search.to attain "Moksha", a state of enlightenment, and thereby, avoid reincarnation.

In ancient Eastern cultures the tradition was that around the age of forty, which during that time was the average lifetime expectation, that people would begin to prepare for death by meditating and praying, wandering around, dressed in Orange or Saffron coloured robes, these men used to come begging at the gate of my childhood home in Colombo, Sri Lanka.

 As a child, born into a Christian Colonial family, I was warned about these men, by my "ayah”, or nanny, who looked after me. She told me that these sannyasins had evil powers and could put me under a spell. I grew to regard these "holy men" with a sense of danger. This first impression happened around the age of two. I can still, more than fifty years later recall the exact scene vividly. First impressions leave strong imprints, that have consequences in the future.

 My ayah was Buddhist. Together with our other Buddhist servants, she would sometimes take me with them to their temple. There, the monks also wore Orange and Saffron, the same colours as the Hindu Sanyassins This aroused my curiosity. Even the wooden Buddha statues were robed in Orange.

 Orange or Saffron robes worn by those who renounced material life among the, Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist, Jain seems to be Vedic in origin. The very first mantra of the Rig Veda extols Agni. Meaning fire. Agnimile purohitam yagnasya devam rtvijam, hotaram ratna dhatamam. The colour of Agni or fire is saffron. In ancient times it was customary to keep fire lit in houses for cooking which was later ritualized as fire worship on a daily basis. Similarly, when Rishis went from one place to another or from one Ashram to another it was customary to carry fire with them. In the mind of the ancients, fire or Agni symbolized the Supreme being.

 About twenty years later, after I had moved from Colombo to London with my family, I was confronted by a man, standing at my front door dressed completely in the colour Orange, trousers and shirt, glowing radiantly. He was there to visit a woman with whom I lived in a city commune. He also wore a wooden bead necklace to which was attached a locket. The photograph on the locket was of a face which made me notice. There was a recognition. The man in the photograph, kept my focus There was a feeling of knowing this person. There was also a sense of danger. This was the first glimpse I had of the man who was to become the main guiding influence of my adult years. First impressions go deeply, as I have said before...

 It is said that the master chooses the disciple. I had at that time no active interest in finding a master, though by then I had been long disillusioned with Christianity. The visitor, described himself as a sanyassin. He outlined to me the concept of "Neo Sannyas" initiated by a Master known as Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, who lived at that time in Bombay. This was not a way of renouncing the world, rather a way of embracing and living life totally. This "Bhagwan" was also the author of a book entitled "From Sex To Superconsciousness" This I found fascinating. and set about to find out more. It all sounded very easy. But there again was a sense of danger. You could say I was captivated from the beginning....

Upon visiting my parents, immediately after my first encounter with a "Neo Sanyassin”, I stirred up my whole family with by asking about those old Hindu Sanyassins from my childhood memories. My poor father had immediate visions of me joining the Hari Krishna movement. There was that sense of danger again! I was already moving beyond the bounds of their comprehension.

 In less than a year I was dressed completely in Orange, bought in the stores that outfitted rock bands in fashionable London streets. I managed to combine being vain with being spiritual. 

 At the time I was working in my first Architectural job. My clothes stood out amongst the dark colours worn by the other men. Strangers would ask me whose photograph I wore around my neck.in the locket. No stranger to attention seeking, I now had to face new challenges.

  Initiation into sannyas was not as I recall, a decision. Something was burning deep inside that has continued. From then on. My life took on an intensity in pace. I experienced it as a calling, with hindsight, I would describe Sannyas Initiation as a commitment to consciousness. It can be linked to the old Sannyas as also being a preparation for death. but instead of renunciation, it is about living life so full heartedly that we can go gracefully into death.

  Sannyas is something which happened before I was to meet Osho personally. I could rationalize it later as an opportunity to be with a living modern day "Jesus", someone of the same level as my Christian conditioning would allow. But as I have experienced it, Sannyas Initiation is a break with the conditioning. My logical mind brought up all kinds of rationale about why I should not make this step. I did not understand either the full significance of what I was doing, though this is now clear to me. It just made sense at the time, even though it meant that I stood out in my Orange attire. It provoked a lot of reactions from many people.

 My peer group in the Therapist Training I was at that time in were the most critical! My family were even more shocked! It meant that I was to use a name that was not what they had chosen. Sannyas Initiation meant also getting a new name chosen by Osho, to signify a new spiritual beginning.,

 I was anyway working on myself psychologically, now I went into even further exploration, beyond the comprehension of those who had brought me up into their values of life. Dynamic meditation, which I had begun to practice daily, restored in me a grounding that had been missing since I emigrated at the age of twelve to Britain, I was discovering my own authority. The question "Who Am I?" was fully one I was fully busy with. This quest is one that I have described in a previous article in the Satori issue of this magazine. 

 To work with this enquiry, as I have learned, to fully dismantle my conditioning. Here the use of technique has been of enormous value. With Soho’s Sannyas, there is not just one method of seeking, there are hundreds! This quest has required a discipline.

 Sannyas, is a discipline. If one is a disciple then one has to be in discipline Issues of condition came up daily during my years spent living in Osho´s communes in India and America It is difficult to summarize those experiences into a few words. Osho has defined the word discipline as "Having the willingness to learn. " This, from the original Greek translation. This translation has done wonders to dispel my previous

concept of Discipline. It meant something else entirely to my father. He had spent some time during the war, in the Royal Navy of Ceylon, as it was then called.

 This willingness to learn has taken me on a journey of discovery of inner and outer landscapes. I could not possibly have imagined a life that included conducting wildly expressive Therapy groups in an ashram in India and working on a ranch, in Oregon USA, milking cows and riding horses just like the cowboys in the movies that I saw in my childhood. These have been some of the highlights.

 "This life of celebration” as is it described in a song, however has not simply been a bed of roses. Far from it...! Living under a "fascist regime" as Osho described the people who were running the ranch in Oregon" is an experience that took me a long time to integrate. To me, it was a test of fire. “The search is difficult, because the seeker has to risk his whole life for it”. (Osho The Search.)

 Within these settings I have confronted many aspects of my identity and conditioning. Mostly, I have found how bizarre and humorous life can be.  In order to become centered, I have learned, it is necessary to experience extremes.

 The declaration of Sannyas is a recognition of consciousness. In the shadows of this consciousness are the aspects that are sooner or later brought to light in the expanding of consciousness...Meditation is a much-needed tool in the processing of these elements of unconsciousness. Meditation is the core in the entire range of Osho´s legacy.

 Sannyas, is to me now an inner discipline. The outer symbols of Sunset colours and wooden mala have long been discarded as outer symbols. “Awareness is choice less"

 It is continuing willingness to let life take me on my journey of discovery.

 " The search is individual, full of danger, alone one has to move. But that is the beauty of it. In deep aloneness, only in deep aloneness, where not even a thought is present, God enters you, or is leaving you" (Osho : The Search # 2 )

 The danger of being with a master is that of having the ego exposed for what it is. "Ego" as I have come to learn is everything that is false about me; all of the masks of the personality; that which is not essential. To my great shame, I once declared, that I was bored with Osho discourses. Hepointed out to me, in a public discourse (From the false to the Truth#12) that he was the first master to bring humour into the the temple. He also instilled in me the lesson to listen to his silences. Now, in my silences, I find Osho. 

The worst thing Osho did, in my opinion, was to leave.....with his physical departure I have had to look more at myself than ever. Only since then do I consider that I have really become a meditator. I am grateful that my destiny brought me onto the path with the Master of Masters. This path is one of facing vulnerability as an individual. Those who become initiated into Osho´s sannyas now seem to me to have great courage. I have no idea how it must be to take this step. To me this step would not have been possible without having the Master there in his body. He inspired in my being, the trust to be myself and face the consequences. "Just be yourself and watch" (Osho)

 There is still the legacy of Osho´s work. Hundreds of volumes of the spoken word. To examine Osho´s concepts such as "Always remember that you are a Buddha” and to make of them, my own experience is my ongoing quest in life. I still, often wear the colour Orange, just because it suits me. I have not lost my sense of style!

  "The search for the truth is in one way hard and in another easy - for it is

 evident that no one of us can master it thoroughly, nor miss it wholly. Each one of us adds a little to our knowledge of nature and from all the facts assembled arises a certain grandeur". - Aristotle 350 y B

 To live in truth from the heart is not something that can be entered into lightly, but in some lives, there is no choice. To be an outsider or "misfit "in society is something I became accustomed to from an early age. To be views as "different" is painful, especially to be looked at with suspicion through the eyes of people who see sannyas as a sect or a cult.

 From the outset, there has been a history of Osho´s message being misinterpreted and interfered with by those in favour of using dogma as a control. This is fully illustrated in books such as Max Brecher`s "A Passage To America", a journalistic account about the conspiracy to destroy Osho´s life and work, during the time Osho spent in America. When Ronald Reagan died recently, so much of this replayed itself in my mind. Here in Germany, Osho was featured in a documentary entitled "Legends" Within his lifetime, there was no such recognition. 

 Yet, more than ever, people are becoming disillusioned with organised religion or politics as ideals and looking to themselves.

 "A Sannyasin cannot belong to any religion, for his is a life of independent thought, which draws from all religions; his is a life of realisation, not  merely of theory or belief, much less of dogma."

 Osho, in many hundreds of volumes of discourses, has outlined all the various Spiritual paths and disciplines. His message is about going beyond dogma. His legacy is vast..." I will be dissolved in my people. Just as you can taste the sea from any place and it is salty, you will be able to taste any of my sannyasins and you will find the same taste: the taste of Bhagwan, the taste of the Blessed One. (Osho: The Goose is Out.)

That One Question

Osho has very often reminded us in his discourses of the work of Ramana Maharshi, that the only relevant question in life is the question “Who Am I?” 

 “My effort is not to answer your questions, but to make you aware that out of a hundred questions, ninety nine are simply foolish. Drop them! Once you have dropped the foolish questions - they look very philosophical- the one question remains. That question is no longer concerned about irrelevant, nonessential things. That one question is about Existence, about you, your being. Not why you are here, not about the purpose of your being here, but about your being here - who you are: Who am I?" (Osho: The Search)

 According to Sri Ramana Maharshi, a master whose one method was the use of enquiry,

 "Every living being longs to be perpetually happy, without any misery. Since in everyone the highest love is only felt for oneself, and since happiness alone is the cause of love, in order to attain that happiness, which is one's real nature and which is experienced daily in the mindless state of deep sleep, it is necessary to know oneself. To achieve that, enquiry in the form 'Who am I?' is the foremost means.”

This enquiry into myself arose during my turbulent young adulthood, but at first it did not form itself clearly into that particular question. I became curious to find out what the difference was between my conditioning and me. I had, after all, spent my adolescent years, in London, in a culture that was other that that I was born into. Having been born in Sri Lanka, into a mixed Colonial family, partly European, partly Asian, I not only felt like a misfit in the land of my birth, but also in my adopted homeland. Something got stirred up in me that was deep in the blood. It could have been that my ancestors were voyagers, who travelled long distances, between the west and the east and had felt the same restlessness. It could have been the desire of a troubled adolescent to find a sense of belonging. However this curiosity began, there was an understanding that the phenomenon of conditioning did exist.  

I have made many long journeys in this life, the first of those being the voyage from Colombo to Southampton at the age of twelve. At this age, my parents had to pay full fare for me on the ship. My younger siblings, considered to be children, travelled at a lower fare. That also meant that their meal times were earlier than that of my parents and myself, as I ate with the adults. This, on board ship, meant that I had to dress up, for dinner every night. I remember feeling very grown up in my long trousers. 

 There was one particular night that the ship was on the Red Sea, at the opening of the Suez Canal. There, many traders climbed ropes up to the ship’s open decks and begin to set up their wares for sale. On this night, I was up and about, at an unusually late hour, on my own. My father and mother were both absent from dinner, as they were a bit sea sick, so I wandered the deck amongst the hustle and bustle of the market traders, watching a colourful scene unfold before me quite unexpectedly. Although this scene was unfolding all around me, I was in it but yet at the same time apart from it. At first I could not quite believing that I was in such a reality and perceiving it at the same time. It was, for me, the very first taste of something that I came to learn of as witnessing, of being fully in the movie and noticing everything that was happening at the same time. It felt strangely familiar to me. It was as if I was standing beside myself and observing all that was going on. I could really take note on a sensory level of every part of the action on the ship and in my surroundings.

I can still recall the scene and the sensation, even as I now struggle to find the words that describe it accurately.

 This sensation was one that I was to experience a few years later, after making London my home. Along with my family, I was visiting friends of my parents, on an occasion, which ran later than my normal bedtime. I sat in the midst of activity, surrounded by people in lively conversation, watching the round of conversation and being one step away from it. 

Both of these events were spontaneous. I do not remember talking about them to anyone yet, I was later to discover their significance. 

 “I always ask seekers to ask Who am I? not in order that they will come to know who they are, but only in order that a moment will come when the question is asked so intensely that the questioner is not there, only the question remains .A moment is bound to come when the question is absolutely intense, as deep as it can go, then the absurdity of it is revealed. You can come to know that there is no one who can ask Who am I? or to ask Who are you? The question is asked not to get an answer, but to transcend the question"(Osho: I Am The Gate)

 The course of my life took me into exploring my inner workings through therapeutic tools such as Bioenergetics, Gestalt and Encounter, tools that during that time, in the early 70’s were being used in Europe. At the start of my therapist training years, I participated in a three-day course, known as Enlightenment Intensive, facilitated by its creator, Charles Berner. I have given a full account of this course in one of my previous articles, entitled Essential Moments. It was during this course that I first worked with the question “Who Am I?” as a koan. A “koan” is a Zen term, which applies to a question with an answer that is not to be found in logic, but rather is to be found in a direct experience. It has left a deep impression, as one of the most valuable tools I have learned this lifetime. This three-day process became one of the first to be included in the world of Osho, when the ashram was set up in Pune in the early 70’s. It was a course that Osho himself would recommend to newcomers who would go and see him, as an entry into a direct self-experience and meditation.

This method of working was later to become a main feature of my own work. I still use it to this day, in its three-day form or a seven-day process, known as Satori, whenever the opportunity arises. It is a highly structured process that prepares the ground for insights to happen. In deep contemplation clarity arises. This direct experience of the inner is not easily captured in words. What is expressed is not fully what wants to be expressed.

 “Who am I? is not really a question; hence it can never be answered, neither by others nor by yourself. Then what is it? It is a koan. Who am I? is utterly absurd. By asking it, don't hope that one day you will get the answer. If you go on asking, Who am I? Who am I? — if you make it a meditation, as Raman Maharshi used to say to his disciples…. He used to give only one simple meditation: just sit and repeat, first loudly, then not so loudly, then just in your throat; then even the throat is not to be used, just deep down in your heart let it resound: Who am I? Who am I? Go on asking…."(Osho: Dhammapada Vol 3)

 You do not learn self-inquiry... it is not a technique that you can master to your standards of perfection like visualisation or yoga. Self-inquiry is simply a tool, a question 'Who am I?', that allows you to trace the mind back to its source - and at that point the question itself dissolves into a state of clarity. You do not need to master the thought 'Who am I?' What is there to master about it? It is just asking yourself 'Who am I?', it is that simple! You do not need to master the question or technique because the question/technique itself is not the point, although it is an important tool, rather, just allowing the question to lead you back to the source, to trace the radiance back to its source as Zen Master Chinul puts it. The true source of the radiance is an all encompassing awareness that is upstream from all objects, mind or body… tracing all perceptions to the source by asking ‘Who am I?’ The thought ‘Who am I?’ is simply a pointer, like a finger pointing to the moon, you don’t grasp or look at the pointer, rather let the pointer direct you to look at the moon.

 Ramana Maharshi put it very well by saying: "By the inquiry Who am I?, the thought Who am I? will destroy all other thoughts, and like the stick used for stirring the burning pyre, it will itself in the end get destroyed. Then, there will arise Self-realisation.”

There is a direct experience of truth.

 From my own experience I would say that an investigation, into Who am I? is far from repeating a mantra over and over. A mantra is an instrument of the mind, a powerful sound or vibration that you can use to enter a deep state of meditation. Investigation is a step-by-step reflection of the mental constructions and attitudes that keep us away from sensing and expressing who we essentially are, behind all the roles that we play and the contexts we put ourselves in. This, in other words, is our conditioning. We were not born with these attitudes. This investigation takes us into the core of being... it bypasses the mind and its conceptualizations - any mind made conceptual answer, which rings hollow is to be negated or let go of. All speculations, concepts, ideas have no certainty as they are merely theories of the mind and always have room for doubts - but the essence of being that lies prior to the mind and its conceptualization rings with utter certainty and undeniability.

 In the gaps between thoughts, we are still effortlessly present and aware. Being is nothing inert, it is pure aliveness, presence, clarity, vitality and intelligence. We cannot say that we are not - undeniably, We Are... So what is this? What is this sense of existence and presence? Who am I? The question is simply a tool to turn the light around, so that Awareness withdraws its identification with thoughts and forms... to realize itself, its true identity. The question is not meant to be repeated or recited verbally like a mantra, rather it is simply a non-conceptual exploration, looking, investigating into the fact of being… of existence... Eventually all concepts and ideas and even the question Who am I? subside, and in that thoughtless gap is the realisation of stillness and silence.

 “Once you understand yourself, then there is eternal life. Who bothers about long life? Long life is still a desire of a body identified man who is afraid of death. Death does not happen, it has never happened. It happens because you are identified with the body and you don’t know yourself. Yes, from the body you will be separated. If you know yourself as the witnessing soul, as the consciousness, as the awareness, then there is no death. A man who has attained to his innermost core of being is so full of life, that wherever he moves he showers his life on everything.”(Osho: The Search)

Love is My Message

Family Matters, In Theory and Practice         

 Osho has several times mentioned that above the door of Gurdjieff´s communne  wwas the inscription that no man could enter until he had forgiven his parents. Only then, Osho explained,could the real spiritual work start.

Family, is an immensely personal subject. It is also a complicated theme upon which to focus, as it stirs up a lot of memories and connections..

When I left my family home, I moved, almost immediately into a communal house ,in London. commune life, was a popular alternative theme , in the 60´s and 70´s and seemed to be more attractive then living alone or as part of a couple, as most of my old friends did.  I moved in with people of about the same age, with whom I established ways of relating like brothers and sisters. This came quite naturally as I had grown up with  both parents,three siblings, many visitors and not much space.

 Having emigrated from Sri Lanka, my parents did their best to maintain certain traditions.We always had a full house, where grandparents, relatives and friends would gather to eat, drink, dance and celebrate for any reason.! I was well prepared for commune life. I still maintain the tradition of celebration. My home is a place where people gather to party. It seems to be in my blood. Since those days, creating a Family dynamic around me is something that I recognize doing repeatedly. Recently, I have been declared as a family member by Franzisca, the daughter of my girlfriend Martina.. This is what is today  known as a patchwork family. There must be something to be learned out of this, about being open to love.

 The nuclear  family structure is the one within all our psychological problems are propagated .A family structure is the one in which we get our first value system. These values are mostly about maintaining tradition and creating a sense of security. Within these , we develop our first sense of indentiy. Primal means first. Primal Therapy is one of my basic working tools. It is through my work as a Primal Therapist, that I have constantly been able to reflect on my own first impressions of life, as a basis for potential transformation of values. For example the way in which I now view death, as a meditator, is very different my education as a Christian. Being born in an Eastern culture has without doubt, left me with a deep imprint of the importance of the family. In some places in the East, the ancestors are revered.

 There is almost nothing, in terms of a positive reference to the family, in the whole catalogue of Osho´s work. This, I began to realize quite early , as my first job as a therapist was to lead Primal groups in the ashram as it was then known in Poona. I was 25 years old, working with participants who were mostly the same age or older than I . My work, I was told by Osho, was to clear the mind of past conditioning. Listening to the content of Osho´s daily discourses, I did, in terms of what I was able, to put this into practice. This was not always easy, as Osho also talked a lot against therapy ! I heard him say that one moment of full Awareness was enough to go beyond all conditioning. This concept has left a long lasting impression on me.

 Living in the commune gave me the opportunity to “go beyond the small family”,  rather than trying to preserve the aims and goals the nuclear family which I had previously found to be limiting. The pressure to achieve professional status, in order to make up for the sacrifices that my parents had made, in fact, was one that was quite strong. To act as an example to my siblings, in situations where I was totally insecure myself was another expectation that brought with it a lot of reaction..

The accentuating of the female qualities within was the theme of  “sannyas”. In the Master/ disciple dynamic, the disciple is feminine. The everyday running of Osho´s communes was chiefly in the hands of women.Alternative role models in the art of being an individual, were to be found everywhere.The commune was an inspiring gathering within which I could explore my personal potential. It was the place where personal and cultural differences could be exposed and resolved quickly as the vision was directed towards harmony, rather than security. There was a freedom of expression, especially of love, which was unusual for any society of people at the time. In fact it was made shocking news in the European press at the time.

 During these years in Poona, I became a parent, juggling the practicalities of this with my work and my spiritual search. Since the arrival of my daughter, Sujato, I have needed to reflect continuously on finding this balance. This has opened up many possibilities, which I am still busy investigating. In my work today , I coach people in management positions. Many, are of the same generation as Sujato. It is great responsibility to be an influence in their personal development. In see my role has also a parential influence. Hopefully, it is a wise one..

 To put it all into perspective is a dedicated effort. It has inspired in me the responsibility of  becoming an adult, to be especially aware of what I am passing on towards the development of the next generation. This requires a lot of awareness..” To be a parent is a great art”{ Osho}

I have looked at the examples of my own parents, decided that I was going to do it differently and then, in retrospect, have seen that I have often actually made the same “mistakes”. On some occasions, I have wanted to bite my own tongue off, having caught myself saying something that  I swore that I would never say, that would  echo my parents. It has certainly helped me become more compassionate and  forgiving towards them. All of this keeps creating Awareness. Without Awareness, I have learned, it is easy to get lost in playing roles.

 Osho´s communes were places where I bonded strongly with many people With some, I still feel a strong sense of familiarity, the sense of knowing these people very well. As with members of my “blood” family, there are some that I have not seen for a long time, but there is a lingering warmth and the memory that we have shared formative years of our lives together. We shared in the experience of  participating in Osho´s vision for “the new man “ together.

“Our commune is a family of totally free individuals” declared Osho ( From the False to the Truth.) This discourse is aimed particularly at me !

 To get such a direct “hit” from the Master is actually a blessing. However, it took quite some time for me to process this. The commune was the “melting pot” within which many issues, rooted in childhood, bubbled up to the surface .In order to be free of these issues, it was needed to fully experience their effects.Crisis is an opportunity for growth. Facing up to these issues, paticularly that of authority, and ccming to my inner authority has, since then, been very much in focus. There is a nutural hierarchy, within which we fall into by order of birth.This is defined very clearly in “the Family”  a book by John Bradshaw. Psychologically we are “programmed” from birth on, into various belief systems.This book is worth reading. It deals chiefly with how shame acts as a controlling agent, which prevents us from being ourselves. Bradshaw explains how the family is the breeding ground, for this to occur. 

 Within the structure of the commune, with fellow travellers  it was possible to examine the influences of the past and let go of the beliefs that were irrelevant to the journey.  We were a large collection of colourful characters, from all over the world, inspired by a single vision. Unified, we created a wealth of rescources, so it was possible to choose surrogate family members whenever the need arose. There was an abundance of love. It was possible to have a sense of freedom, despite the structure created by what Osho later described as a “Fascist Regime”of Osho´s secretary, Sheela and her gang. What would have happened if this experiment had not been destroyed by the Reagan administration, will remain a mystery. But it seems like the Rebel Spirit still remains in those who still continue with the journey.

 My own search, not long after the ranch experience, took me to live at The Humaniversity, a community with a strong family dynamic and a clearly defined hierarchy. In the past,as a racially mixed up post adolescent, I found Veeresh to be an inspiring role model. It could  stem from the fact that we both have a mixture of Western and Eastern ancestry.We look like we could be brothers. His influence has also been significant in my development.

 It was Veeresh who taught me about assumed authority and vested authority.It is a quality of heart.  My four years at his place was a great preparation for what was to come in my life outside of communes. When my father died, a couple of years after I left, I faced moving up in line, to become the oldest surviving male in my family. This is not something that I take lightly…!

The commune years gave me more objectivity, space from which to view my life situation. Going beyond the small family, brought up, with an intensity, everything that was previously unresolved within the small family. It gave these isuues the chance to be absorbed and digested…. to be included in the search for freedom.

 Since my commune days, drawing from these recources and continuing with the expression of love in daily life is an ongoing intention. This is not always simple, but makes practical sense of Osho´s message. “Love is my message” ( This Very Body the Buddha) 

 My involvement with my family has proven to be strong, throughout the various ups and downs in life.  We are a scattered bunch. I have expensive telephone bills ! When talking to my brothers, in Australia and Canada, I notice particularly. how we all have the same laugh ! The gift of our father.

Genetic imprints, I find, seem to last for generations.  My ancestors sailed from Portugal, Holland and England to colonise Sri Lanka.. Travelling is a huge aspect of my lifestyle.

I am on familiar terms with people, who now live all over the world,  who now make up for me , the International Commune.” Whenever my people meet, my prescence will be felt” (Osho: The Goose Is Out )

 My mother, who has now passed on used to travel every year, from Australia, to Europe and Canada, to visit her offspring. Remarkable for her age, I can only say that I have inherited great genes, the genes that keep me dancing ! And I have passed them on…

 The entire human race must stem from one mother and one father.Yet the polticians and priests keep calling for exclusivity and separation. To be part of the mass, to be within a collective seems to be a basic human tendency, exploited by such authorities. If only mankind could be taught to become a family of totally free individuals…..

It could be what Osho meant by “I leave you my dream”.

“Can’t Buy Me Love”

The catchy lyrics of a Beatles’ song, Can’t Buy Me Love, sprang immediately to mind as I began to compose my thoughts about writing this article. As this year draws to a close, I find myself reflecting about what has taken place according to my plans and what has not. There has been considerable time spent in reviewing and evaluating a long phase where I have needed to cash in on my financial reserves and build up my reserves in terms of health and well being. There has been space to reassess my fortunate blessings, those things in life, which create a sense of richness, that are not material.  

 It is fairly widespread in society, that money and material possessions are associated with happiness. To a certain extent money may be important, in order to fulfil basic needs and responsibilities towards the well being of ourselves, our families, our communities and loved ones. Still, studies have shown that in countries where nearly everyone can afford life's necessities, increasing wealth no longer matters as much in creating joy. The correlation between income and happiness is "surprisingly weak," observed University of Michigan researcher Ronald Ingle in one 16-nation study of 170,000 people.

 Researchers found out that individual well being is defined by pleasure, engagement, meaning, and life satisfaction. Pleasure is measured by uplifting emotions, engagement by the intensity of life involvement and absence of boredom, meaning by feelings of connectedness, and life satisfaction by a general assessment of self-satisfaction. Other specific aspects of well-being are also frequently assessed in this research, including work engagement, stress, depression, and trust in friends and neighbours.

 I have learned that people rank happiness and life satisfaction as more important than money, but because of our evolved social context and its inherent incentives at the individual level, we often spend an inordinate amount of time pursuing income, at the expense of happiness and satisfaction, influencing others and reinforcing this dynamic in our society, and creating barriers to a more compelling and well being focused life.

 ”Don’t be too much concerned about money, because that is the greatest distraction against happiness. And the greatest irony of ironies is that people think that they will be happy when they have money. Money has nothing to do with happiness. If you are happy and you have money, you can use it for happiness. If you are unhappy and you have money, you will use that money for more unhappiness. Money is simply a neutral force”  (Osho)

 Most of the things that we desire in life come at a cost.  Beyond a certain point money cannot fulfil all of the needs we have. The industrial revolution led to an explosion of goods and services in the developed world, but also led to increasing material aspirations, setting up a self-defeating and negating pattern of life, with greater aspirations largely cancelling any well-being effects from economic growth. Researchers have measured the steep rise in economic output in the developed world over the last fifty years of the twentieth century and parallel trends in well-being.  Their discovery was that this economic expansion was not associated with increases in life satisfaction, but was strongly correlated with increases in depression, alienation, and distrust.  Since World War II, there has been a dramatic divergence between income and satisfaction in the United States and other developed nations.  In the same period, depression rates have increased ten-fold, adult and childhood anxiety has risen markedly, and social connectedness and trust have declined.

 Truth is that the things that really satisfy us are absolutely free such as a sense of connection, love, joy and laughter.

Supportive, positive relationships prove absolutely necessary for our well being.  Well-being, in turn, is necessary to create and foster these positive relationships, suggesting a self-reinforcing and catalysing cycle of human emotional and social health.  

 Economic growth, on the other hand, appears to interfere with this natural human cycle of individual and social health, stressing and undermining social relationships and individual well being.

The result of increasing wealth is often a cycle consistent with the atomization of people and dissolution of communities we now see occurring around the globe amidst rising incomes.

 Perhaps the most important finding overall, is that the quality of our social relationships is crucial to well being.  Multiple studies underscore that we need supportive, positive relationships and social belonging to remain well, while finding that economic prosperity, beyond a basic amount, has a generally negative effect on our social environment and thus our well-being.  The research suggests that social relationships work to increase well-being not only by providing nurturing and support, but also by creating opportunities for us to nurture and support others in turn.  

 “If you know how to enjoy a rose flower, a green tree in your courtyard, the mountains, the river, the stars, the moon, if you know how to enjoy people, you will not be so much obsessed with money. The obsession is arising because we have forgotten the language of celebration. Hence money has become the only thing to brag about – your life is so empty. I will not tell you to renounce money. That has been told to you throughout the ages; it has not changed you. I am going to tell you something else, to celebrate life and the obsession with money disappears automatically. And when it goes on its own accord, it leaves no scratches, it leaves no wounds behind, it leaves no trace behind” (Osho)

 What then, is the point of accumulating stacks of unplayed CD’s, closets full of seldom worn clothes, garages with luxury cars which are all purchased in a vain quest for an elusive joy?  And what is the point of leaving significant inherited wealth to our heirs, as if it could buy them happiness, when that wealth could do so much good in a world that seems to become more destructive and depleted of resources?

As we go further into the new millennium more and more people are asking such questions. We long for connection and purpose.  We seek better balance between our needs for independence and attachment, thinking about the individual and thinking about the collective.  Such transformation in consciousness has happened before. It happened, for example in Osho’s communes and it could happen again in the world at large.

 Osho says, “Love is our deepest longing. Just as the body needs food the soul needs love — it is nourishment, spiritual nourishment. Without the food, air and water, the body will deteriorate; without love the soul starts shrinking. And everybody is living with a very small soul for the simple reason that they have not loved.”

 If a child is not held, hugged, cuddled, or loved, its development will be impaired and its brain will not mature properly. As we get older love develops from the profound interdependence we all share with one another. However capable and skilful an individual may be, left alone he or she will not survive. However vigorous and independent we may feel during the most prosperous periods of life, when we are sick or very young or very old, we must depend on the support of others.

 Interdependence, of course, is a fundamental law of nature. Therefore, since we are not just material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. Instead, we should consider our origins and nature to inquire into who we are and what it is we require.   Love is to be found in gestures that are made with awareness. Smiling at someone leads to a greater sense of connection. Meals carry the flavour of love when the cook is attentive. A warm hug can speak volumes. Giving does not have to be on a grand scale. It does not have to be overwhelming. It does not require any money or many hours. It opens our hearts, when we act with warmth and kindness.

 This point is confirmed by modern psychology.  Working with people, for most of my adult life, I have seen evidence that when we give, we rationalize the effort of extending ourselves in our efforts. So we look with greater favour upon the beneficiaries of our kindness. We elevate their importance in our eyes in order to feel good about our actions. Giving leads to caring.

 “So give as much love as possible and you will get so much in return that you will not be able to believe it in the beginning. It is absolutely unbelievable that the whole existence starts pouring love towards you.

 You just show the gesture of giving, with no strings attached to it, with no conditions, no expectations, let your joy be in the giving itself — love for love’s sake — and you will be in for a great surprise: thousands of windows suddenly open and the sun and the wind and the rain and the whole existence starts flowing towards you. It floods you, and that flooded life is the life of a buddha, that life is the goal of a sannyasin.” (Osho)

A Safe Haven


Thieves broke into my house one night in 2010. They did not disturb anybody, not even our dog. They came into the bedroom where I was sleeping with my wife, Martina. My daughter Sujato and her husband Henrik were there, visiting us for the weekend. They did not hear anything either. I am thankful that we all slept through this. My mind still ponders over the possible consequences had we woken up while the thieves were still there.

 I see that this invasion into my personal private space is taking time to digest fully. It is something that I still stop and think about. It has robbed me of my equilibrium, my sense of harmony and relaxation in the place that I call home. I am currently working to restore this sense. It feels like this intrusion has knocked me out of my centre. When I wake up at night to use the toilet, it is with alertness, even though I know that since the burglary our alarm system is switched on every night. There still remain the after effects of restlessness and insecurity, in the place I call “home”. Osho says, “A house is a physical thing, a home is a spiritual thing. A house protects you from the outside – its function is negative -- from rain, from wind, from the sun. It is just negative, it does not nourish you, it has no positive function. A hotel can do, a caravanserai can do…. any house will do. Its function is negative, it is just a shelter. In itself it is not nourishment. A home is more than just a house. It protects you, that’s okay – that’s not its basic function. It nourishes you…it feeds you. It is a love space” (excerpted from Above All Don’t Wobble)

 My home is the place to which I retreat between my business trips and private excursions. There is a lot to be said about sleeping in my own bed, no matter where I may travel. My home is a place where guests are welcome on a regular basis. My parental home was also a place where my friends and those of my siblings were always welcome.

 As a teenager, I began to practice my interior design and decorating skills in that house. These skills were to be refined later when I went on to study interior design. I have maintained these skills wherever I have lived since then. I live in a much larger house now, it is a place for rejoicing as well as for carrying out the modern-day equivalent of the Zen concept of “chopping wood and carrying water from the well”.  There is pleasure to be found in the many household maintenance tasks: cleaning, gardening, cooking. Home cooked food somehow taste better that that in any restaurant. Cooking dinner every night when I am there is one of the rituals that create a sense of home for me.” Home” is something that I have come to understand as a state of serenity inside, a place from which I have an overview of whatever is happening, while remaining centered in my being. My home is where I write, paint and get totally carried away in my creativity, where I expand my being. More than ever, there is a sense of spaciousness. Very often there is music playing in the background ranging from classical to modern, depending on the mood. I now see myself in my life phase of the householder. I have been here long enough to develop a sense of community with some of our neighbours. It is a sign of putting down roots. 

 The Taoist sage Lao Tsu says that “the reality of a building is not within the walls and the roof, it is the space inside”. His philosophy, the Tao Te Ching, forms the basis of Feng Shui, an ancient oriental system, used to create harmonious buildings. Tao does not have a Godhead figure; instead, reverence is paid to the flow of life itself. Incorporating Feng Shui principles in living with material possessions has become popular in the west since the early 1990’s. The main difference between the East and the West consists in their attitudes towards change.

 In ancient China all things were explained in terms of energetics. The placement of buildings and the objects within them have an effect on the environment. All matter has energy. Europe, on the other hand, began from a notion of substance. While China accepted change and expressed change in terms of energetics, the West resisted change and searched for the permanent substance underlying change.

 I have put into practice the vision of Feng Shui in all of the places I have lived in since I discovered this ancient art. The principles of Feng Shui can be used to enhance the quality of life in all of its aspects. One of its principles is about living without accumulated clutter in the house, giving space to the circulation of energy. For example, storing clothes that are no longer in constant use, has the effect of keeping us caught in an old outdated image of ourselves in the back of our minds. This can affect the clarity in our thinking and self-expression.  It has always been important to me to create an atmosphere in my outer surroundings that reflects my inner being. However humble or grand the dwelling place, this quality of serenity within is essential.

 I have heard myself say jokingly on many occasions that I can fit in anywhere and belong nowhere. But this sense of being a misfit is one that has been acute. I felt completely at home during my years of communal living with Osho in the company of the members of that ever-changing caravanserai. Within that international community, there was a sense of rightness and belonging that I had missed since my childhood. It had the flavour of community that had once existed in Sri Lanka.

 The island where I was born was one where my ancestors had sailed to from Portugal, Holland and Britain. It seems that wandering is in my blood. The first house that I ever called home stands directly at the cargo entrance of Colombo harbour. It is the only house left standing in the street. The others have long been mown down to make way for this gateway, which used to be further down the road. It may be that starting life next to that harbour has a prolonged effect. These days I live close to the second largest harbour in Europe.  The sight of Hamburg harbour, whenever I drive past it, is like an anchor.

 The journey in between these two harbours has been long and adventurous. As a boy of twelve, I stood on the deck of the steamer SS Fairsky, watching Colombo harbour slowly slipping into the distance. The politics in Sri Lanka took a somewhat national socialistic swing after independence. Families like mine formed 1% of the population. Our ancestral history turned us into strangers in the land where we were born. The troubles that have led to a civil war, which became international news, had already started then.  It was a severe disruption in my sense of well-being.

 I sailed with my family to Southampton, to start a new life in England.  To adjust to this change in circumstances during puberty was no joke. Looking back I think I made the best out of going through the changes. My whole sense of identity was challenged without my full understanding of what I was going through. It gave rise to the question of who I really am. In London the family house I grew up in was small for a family of six.  Yet we manage to create a similar close-knit atmosphere whenever my family members gather here, as they do whenever there is a special occasion such as my 60th birthday recently. It may be for this reason that I took to communal life so easily, later on. Sharing limited space was a basic requirement of communal life, as I experienced it. To find personal space within was mostly a challenge in the face of interaction and sharing. To ride with the ups and downs of life and remain true to my own life flow has been something that has flourished in this kind of structure.

 In subsequent years whenever I have visited Sri Lanka, it has been with tears in my eyes as my plane lands upon arrival and takes off on departure.  As much as I have travelled, there is no place I have seen which is more beautiful. Sadly, it has been a land of civil unrest and terrorism. The harbour is now guarded in a manner that reminded me of the Berlin wall.

 In the German Bakery in Pune, a terrorist bomb once ripped apart the bodies of several young people of assorted nationalities, making international headlines. It saddened and shocked me into thinking about how Koregaon Park has been transformed from a once tranquil suburb. It was a place where, at the time that I lived in Pune, I felt very much at home. This suburb continues to play host to one of the greatest experiments in human consciousness on the planet, which still attracts seekers from all around the world.

 “A sannyasin is one who goes on wandering, a constant vagabond, a gypsy, who makes no household anywhere. Even if he lives in a house he knows that it is a caravanserai, it is an overnight stay – and in the morning we have to go. So he never clings to any relationship. He always remains open. If it is there, good. If it is not there, goodbye, that too is good.”(God Is Not For Sale, Osho)

 My wandering spirit moved, to a smaller place is much easier to manage: a flat in Hamburg. Much as I love having so much space, that large house kept me busy with all the maintenance.  It is nearing the time to let go again and create something that fits the changing needs of Martina and myself.

 “A ship in the harbour is safe, but that is not why ships are built…”