Love is My Message
Family Matters, In Theory and Practice
Osho has several times mentioned that above the door of Gurdjieff´s communne wwas the inscription that no man could enter until he had forgiven his parents. Only then, Osho explained,could the real spiritual work start.
Family, is an immensely personal subject. It is also a complicated theme upon which to focus, as it stirs up a lot of memories and connections..
When I left my family home, I moved, almost immediately into a communal house ,in London. commune life, was a popular alternative theme , in the 60´s and 70´s and seemed to be more attractive then living alone or as part of a couple, as most of my old friends did. I moved in with people of about the same age, with whom I established ways of relating like brothers and sisters. This came quite naturally as I had grown up with both parents,three siblings, many visitors and not much space.
Having emigrated from Sri Lanka, my parents did their best to maintain certain traditions.We always had a full house, where grandparents, relatives and friends would gather to eat, drink, dance and celebrate for any reason.! I was well prepared for commune life. I still maintain the tradition of celebration. My home is a place where people gather to party. It seems to be in my blood. Since those days, creating a Family dynamic around me is something that I recognize doing repeatedly. Recently, I have been declared as a family member by Franzisca, the daughter of my girlfriend Martina.. This is what is today known as a patchwork family. There must be something to be learned out of this, about being open to love.
The nuclear family structure is the one within all our psychological problems are propagated .A family structure is the one in which we get our first value system. These values are mostly about maintaining tradition and creating a sense of security. Within these , we develop our first sense of indentiy. Primal means first. Primal Therapy is one of my basic working tools. It is through my work as a Primal Therapist, that I have constantly been able to reflect on my own first impressions of life, as a basis for potential transformation of values. For example the way in which I now view death, as a meditator, is very different my education as a Christian. Being born in an Eastern culture has without doubt, left me with a deep imprint of the importance of the family. In some places in the East, the ancestors are revered.
There is almost nothing, in terms of a positive reference to the family, in the whole catalogue of Osho´s work. This, I began to realize quite early , as my first job as a therapist was to lead Primal groups in the ashram as it was then known in Poona. I was 25 years old, working with participants who were mostly the same age or older than I . My work, I was told by Osho, was to clear the mind of past conditioning. Listening to the content of Osho´s daily discourses, I did, in terms of what I was able, to put this into practice. This was not always easy, as Osho also talked a lot against therapy ! I heard him say that one moment of full Awareness was enough to go beyond all conditioning. This concept has left a long lasting impression on me.
Living in the commune gave me the opportunity to “go beyond the small family”, rather than trying to preserve the aims and goals the nuclear family which I had previously found to be limiting. The pressure to achieve professional status, in order to make up for the sacrifices that my parents had made, in fact, was one that was quite strong. To act as an example to my siblings, in situations where I was totally insecure myself was another expectation that brought with it a lot of reaction..
The accentuating of the female qualities within was the theme of “sannyas”. In the Master/ disciple dynamic, the disciple is feminine. The everyday running of Osho´s communes was chiefly in the hands of women.Alternative role models in the art of being an individual, were to be found everywhere.The commune was an inspiring gathering within which I could explore my personal potential. It was the place where personal and cultural differences could be exposed and resolved quickly as the vision was directed towards harmony, rather than security. There was a freedom of expression, especially of love, which was unusual for any society of people at the time. In fact it was made shocking news in the European press at the time.
During these years in Poona, I became a parent, juggling the practicalities of this with my work and my spiritual search. Since the arrival of my daughter, Sujato, I have needed to reflect continuously on finding this balance. This has opened up many possibilities, which I am still busy investigating. In my work today , I coach people in management positions. Many, are of the same generation as Sujato. It is great responsibility to be an influence in their personal development. In see my role has also a parential influence. Hopefully, it is a wise one..
To put it all into perspective is a dedicated effort. It has inspired in me the responsibility of becoming an adult, to be especially aware of what I am passing on towards the development of the next generation. This requires a lot of awareness..” To be a parent is a great art”{ Osho}
I have looked at the examples of my own parents, decided that I was going to do it differently and then, in retrospect, have seen that I have often actually made the same “mistakes”. On some occasions, I have wanted to bite my own tongue off, having caught myself saying something that I swore that I would never say, that would echo my parents. It has certainly helped me become more compassionate and forgiving towards them. All of this keeps creating Awareness. Without Awareness, I have learned, it is easy to get lost in playing roles.
Osho´s communes were places where I bonded strongly with many people With some, I still feel a strong sense of familiarity, the sense of knowing these people very well. As with members of my “blood” family, there are some that I have not seen for a long time, but there is a lingering warmth and the memory that we have shared formative years of our lives together. We shared in the experience of participating in Osho´s vision for “the new man “ together.
“Our commune is a family of totally free individuals” declared Osho ( From the False to the Truth.) This discourse is aimed particularly at me !
To get such a direct “hit” from the Master is actually a blessing. However, it took quite some time for me to process this. The commune was the “melting pot” within which many issues, rooted in childhood, bubbled up to the surface .In order to be free of these issues, it was needed to fully experience their effects.Crisis is an opportunity for growth. Facing up to these issues, paticularly that of authority, and ccming to my inner authority has, since then, been very much in focus. There is a nutural hierarchy, within which we fall into by order of birth.This is defined very clearly in “the Family” a book by John Bradshaw. Psychologically we are “programmed” from birth on, into various belief systems.This book is worth reading. It deals chiefly with how shame acts as a controlling agent, which prevents us from being ourselves. Bradshaw explains how the family is the breeding ground, for this to occur.
Within the structure of the commune, with fellow travellers it was possible to examine the influences of the past and let go of the beliefs that were irrelevant to the journey. We were a large collection of colourful characters, from all over the world, inspired by a single vision. Unified, we created a wealth of rescources, so it was possible to choose surrogate family members whenever the need arose. There was an abundance of love. It was possible to have a sense of freedom, despite the structure created by what Osho later described as a “Fascist Regime”of Osho´s secretary, Sheela and her gang. What would have happened if this experiment had not been destroyed by the Reagan administration, will remain a mystery. But it seems like the Rebel Spirit still remains in those who still continue with the journey.
My own search, not long after the ranch experience, took me to live at The Humaniversity, a community with a strong family dynamic and a clearly defined hierarchy. In the past,as a racially mixed up post adolescent, I found Veeresh to be an inspiring role model. It could stem from the fact that we both have a mixture of Western and Eastern ancestry.We look like we could be brothers. His influence has also been significant in my development.
It was Veeresh who taught me about assumed authority and vested authority.It is a quality of heart. My four years at his place was a great preparation for what was to come in my life outside of communes. When my father died, a couple of years after I left, I faced moving up in line, to become the oldest surviving male in my family. This is not something that I take lightly…!
The commune years gave me more objectivity, space from which to view my life situation. Going beyond the small family, brought up, with an intensity, everything that was previously unresolved within the small family. It gave these isuues the chance to be absorbed and digested…. to be included in the search for freedom.
Since my commune days, drawing from these recources and continuing with the expression of love in daily life is an ongoing intention. This is not always simple, but makes practical sense of Osho´s message. “Love is my message” ( This Very Body the Buddha)
My involvement with my family has proven to be strong, throughout the various ups and downs in life. We are a scattered bunch. I have expensive telephone bills ! When talking to my brothers, in Australia and Canada, I notice particularly. how we all have the same laugh ! The gift of our father.
Genetic imprints, I find, seem to last for generations. My ancestors sailed from Portugal, Holland and England to colonise Sri Lanka.. Travelling is a huge aspect of my lifestyle.
I am on familiar terms with people, who now live all over the world, who now make up for me , the International Commune.” Whenever my people meet, my prescence will be felt” (Osho: The Goose Is Out )
My mother, who has now passed on used to travel every year, from Australia, to Europe and Canada, to visit her offspring. Remarkable for her age, I can only say that I have inherited great genes, the genes that keep me dancing ! And I have passed them on…
The entire human race must stem from one mother and one father.Yet the polticians and priests keep calling for exclusivity and separation. To be part of the mass, to be within a collective seems to be a basic human tendency, exploited by such authorities. If only mankind could be taught to become a family of totally free individuals…..
It could be what Osho meant by “I leave you my dream”.