“Can’t Buy Me Love”
The catchy lyrics of a Beatles’ song, Can’t Buy Me Love, sprang immediately to mind as I began to compose my thoughts about writing this article. As this year draws to a close, I find myself reflecting about what has taken place according to my plans and what has not. There has been considerable time spent in reviewing and evaluating a long phase where I have needed to cash in on my financial reserves and build up my reserves in terms of health and well being. There has been space to reassess my fortunate blessings, those things in life, which create a sense of richness, that are not material.
It is fairly widespread in society, that money and material possessions are associated with happiness. To a certain extent money may be important, in order to fulfil basic needs and responsibilities towards the well being of ourselves, our families, our communities and loved ones. Still, studies have shown that in countries where nearly everyone can afford life's necessities, increasing wealth no longer matters as much in creating joy. The correlation between income and happiness is "surprisingly weak," observed University of Michigan researcher Ronald Ingle in one 16-nation study of 170,000 people.
Researchers found out that individual well being is defined by pleasure, engagement, meaning, and life satisfaction. Pleasure is measured by uplifting emotions, engagement by the intensity of life involvement and absence of boredom, meaning by feelings of connectedness, and life satisfaction by a general assessment of self-satisfaction. Other specific aspects of well-being are also frequently assessed in this research, including work engagement, stress, depression, and trust in friends and neighbours.
I have learned that people rank happiness and life satisfaction as more important than money, but because of our evolved social context and its inherent incentives at the individual level, we often spend an inordinate amount of time pursuing income, at the expense of happiness and satisfaction, influencing others and reinforcing this dynamic in our society, and creating barriers to a more compelling and well being focused life.
”Don’t be too much concerned about money, because that is the greatest distraction against happiness. And the greatest irony of ironies is that people think that they will be happy when they have money. Money has nothing to do with happiness. If you are happy and you have money, you can use it for happiness. If you are unhappy and you have money, you will use that money for more unhappiness. Money is simply a neutral force” (Osho)
Most of the things that we desire in life come at a cost. Beyond a certain point money cannot fulfil all of the needs we have. The industrial revolution led to an explosion of goods and services in the developed world, but also led to increasing material aspirations, setting up a self-defeating and negating pattern of life, with greater aspirations largely cancelling any well-being effects from economic growth. Researchers have measured the steep rise in economic output in the developed world over the last fifty years of the twentieth century and parallel trends in well-being. Their discovery was that this economic expansion was not associated with increases in life satisfaction, but was strongly correlated with increases in depression, alienation, and distrust. Since World War II, there has been a dramatic divergence between income and satisfaction in the United States and other developed nations. In the same period, depression rates have increased ten-fold, adult and childhood anxiety has risen markedly, and social connectedness and trust have declined.
Truth is that the things that really satisfy us are absolutely free such as a sense of connection, love, joy and laughter.
Supportive, positive relationships prove absolutely necessary for our well being. Well-being, in turn, is necessary to create and foster these positive relationships, suggesting a self-reinforcing and catalysing cycle of human emotional and social health.
Economic growth, on the other hand, appears to interfere with this natural human cycle of individual and social health, stressing and undermining social relationships and individual well being.
The result of increasing wealth is often a cycle consistent with the atomization of people and dissolution of communities we now see occurring around the globe amidst rising incomes.
Perhaps the most important finding overall, is that the quality of our social relationships is crucial to well being. Multiple studies underscore that we need supportive, positive relationships and social belonging to remain well, while finding that economic prosperity, beyond a basic amount, has a generally negative effect on our social environment and thus our well-being. The research suggests that social relationships work to increase well-being not only by providing nurturing and support, but also by creating opportunities for us to nurture and support others in turn.
“If you know how to enjoy a rose flower, a green tree in your courtyard, the mountains, the river, the stars, the moon, if you know how to enjoy people, you will not be so much obsessed with money. The obsession is arising because we have forgotten the language of celebration. Hence money has become the only thing to brag about – your life is so empty. I will not tell you to renounce money. That has been told to you throughout the ages; it has not changed you. I am going to tell you something else, to celebrate life and the obsession with money disappears automatically. And when it goes on its own accord, it leaves no scratches, it leaves no wounds behind, it leaves no trace behind” (Osho)
What then, is the point of accumulating stacks of unplayed CD’s, closets full of seldom worn clothes, garages with luxury cars which are all purchased in a vain quest for an elusive joy? And what is the point of leaving significant inherited wealth to our heirs, as if it could buy them happiness, when that wealth could do so much good in a world that seems to become more destructive and depleted of resources?
As we go further into the new millennium more and more people are asking such questions. We long for connection and purpose. We seek better balance between our needs for independence and attachment, thinking about the individual and thinking about the collective. Such transformation in consciousness has happened before. It happened, for example in Osho’s communes and it could happen again in the world at large.
Osho says, “Love is our deepest longing. Just as the body needs food the soul needs love — it is nourishment, spiritual nourishment. Without the food, air and water, the body will deteriorate; without love the soul starts shrinking. And everybody is living with a very small soul for the simple reason that they have not loved.”
If a child is not held, hugged, cuddled, or loved, its development will be impaired and its brain will not mature properly. As we get older love develops from the profound interdependence we all share with one another. However capable and skilful an individual may be, left alone he or she will not survive. However vigorous and independent we may feel during the most prosperous periods of life, when we are sick or very young or very old, we must depend on the support of others.
Interdependence, of course, is a fundamental law of nature. Therefore, since we are not just material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. Instead, we should consider our origins and nature to inquire into who we are and what it is we require. Love is to be found in gestures that are made with awareness. Smiling at someone leads to a greater sense of connection. Meals carry the flavour of love when the cook is attentive. A warm hug can speak volumes. Giving does not have to be on a grand scale. It does not have to be overwhelming. It does not require any money or many hours. It opens our hearts, when we act with warmth and kindness.
This point is confirmed by modern psychology. Working with people, for most of my adult life, I have seen evidence that when we give, we rationalize the effort of extending ourselves in our efforts. So we look with greater favour upon the beneficiaries of our kindness. We elevate their importance in our eyes in order to feel good about our actions. Giving leads to caring.
“So give as much love as possible and you will get so much in return that you will not be able to believe it in the beginning. It is absolutely unbelievable that the whole existence starts pouring love towards you.
You just show the gesture of giving, with no strings attached to it, with no conditions, no expectations, let your joy be in the giving itself — love for love’s sake — and you will be in for a great surprise: thousands of windows suddenly open and the sun and the wind and the rain and the whole existence starts flowing towards you. It floods you, and that flooded life is the life of a buddha, that life is the goal of a sannyasin.” (Osho)